Sad Things Susanna Says

I will say one positive thing about being single: you never have to do crap that someone else likes and you just pretend to like.

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Last night I accidentally did a 400-piece puzzle.

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Usually if I drink beer alone in my apartment, it’s because I don’t have any food and I’m hungry.

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Me: You're wearing makeup.
Susanna: I am?
Me: Is that last night makeup?
Susanna: Probably.

Lunchtime

Susanna: The good thing about moving desks is that you find out how many oatmeal packets you've stored away.
Sparks: How many?
Susanna: 16. And 4 mayo packets.

I’ve never bought a pair of sweat pants in my life. I stole every pair from the lost and found.

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Something Pathetic

susannawolff:

When you call a restaurant with caller ID to get take-out, and they rattle off exactly what you’re going to order before you say anything.

Dogs are terrible.

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Just ate a huge brownie for lunch. Ugh. I feel like a Kathy comic.

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